Present

Coming out of last semester I thought my heart had seen all the heartbreak it would ever see.

I was wrong.

Heartbreak, after heartbreak. It keeps coming.

I haven't known a week while I've been in school where something absolutely heart wrenching has not happened wether it be on my campus or back at home. Not only have I experienced this but I have watched my friends walk through the hardest and trying places.

I'll be honest. A lot of it has left me speechless.

My faith has been shaken to it's core.

What if everything I have believed about God isn't true?

What if He isn't as good as I have always thought?

Is God causing these tragedies and heart break?

Why? God, Why?

I don't write this blog somehow magically having discovered the answers. The only answer I know is Jesus.

The reminder and hope of heaven has been pressed heavily into my mind this year. While there is an abundance of comfort in that and I long for that day just as much as Jesus does, I hit a wall where I needed to be reminded of exactly who Jesus is. Jesus being my everything and making good on his promises he showed me what I needed to hear.

The story of Jesus weeping over the death of Lazarus became so real to me.

Through every heartbreak, I know that Jesus was fully present and engaged. His gaze is so fixed upon us.

I don't say that because it makes me feel better or its my way of comforting myself. I say it because it is scriptural.

In John 11, Jesus knew that Lazarus was about to be raised from the dead and even though he saw the glory that was coming, he bent low and wept. In that moment he was fully human and we are able to relate with him like never before. He was present and fully in the moment. My heart can't get over that.

God is not offended or disgusted with our hurt, confused and broken hearts. He welcomes them gladly, even though he knows the good that is to come, He is right there with us. He is there in the screaming, the sobbing, the questioning, the restless nights, and in the moments when you want to give up.  He, oh HE is near so very near to the brokenhearted.

God's character does not change in midst of tragedy. He does not waver and change like the world too easily does. He is steadfast and sure. He is our faithful strength and anchor in midst of any storm. He was present in the suffering of his son and He is going to be nothing less for us in our trials.

Knowing all of these things, I will not back down or give in. I will press forward in all that the Lord would have for me. I leave it all in His hands trusting that He is making something beautiful out of me. God is still on his throne with no threat. He reigns and nothing will ever change that. So keep pressing in, friends, God is far better than anything we could ever imagine.

Full Circle

This morning it clicked. It all became full circle.

And what I mean by that is the verse, Psalm 37:3 "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness" made complete sense to me. 

After hearing Louie Giglio preach on this verse 2 years ago,  I have plastered it on my mirrors at home and here at school it sits on my dresser so I would constantly be reminded of it. I have sat and pondered this verse over and over and dwelled deeply on it. But I never understood the beauty of cultivating faithfulness until now. 

When you declare in the midst of confusion and messiness that HE is still good, HE will come to you and give you the desires of your heart.  When you decide that no matter what HE is worth it all and you are faithful to HIM, HE will reward you tenfold. I can guarantee you that. Because God makes good on His promises. Because He is 100% faithful to you and when you decide to do the same, a stunning collision happens and beauty in its purest form comes to you. When He comes, you better believe He is going to bring His best. 

Utter Joy.

Community.

Abundance of Grace. 

Overwhelming Love. 

Life to the Full. 

The weaker I become, the stronger and more solid HE becomes. As this semester is coming to an end this is something I have known. It's a really beautiful thing when Christ is all you've got and He becomes your stronghold and refuge. There's absolutely no better place to be. 

God rewards faithfulness, not success my friends. So wherever life finds you right now, cultivate faithfulness and see his goodness come to you. His goodness will stop you in your tracks and stun you in the best way possible. Trust me. If you could see into my heart right now it would have Psalm 37 etched on it and be echoing Meredith Andrew's Worth it All album. That's the best way I can describe my reaction to His goodness :) 

Nothing I Hold On To

If we're being completely honest, this isn't exactly how I would have my life to be. 

I would be exploring another country. 

Friendships would still be alive and thriving. 

Relationships would have worked out. 

Heartache wouldn't be present. 

I would be on the front lines of raw ministry. 

But here's the thing, it's not about me. It never was and never will be. It is all about Jesus. Bottom line. Every time I wish things were different, I lose sight of eternity. And without Him, this would just be one sad story of a girl wallowing in self-pity. Because of Jesus I am able to deem my life good and beautiful. 

This semester I have known heartbreak. Heartbreak of the past and present. There are things I don't understand and probably never will. I'm learning to be okay with that. I'm learning to loosen my grip and place it in the hands of my creator. There's nothing I hold on to. It's all HIS. And whatever HE decides to do with my life, it's going to be far better than anything I could imagine.

Don't get me wrong, the Lord has been so good to me in midst of my trails. He has sent me the sweetest of friends. Friends who say, chin up girl, it's all about God's plan not ours. And his timing? Well it couldn't be more perfect. Friends who reaffirm my purpose of being at Union. How could I forget my darling sister who has allowed me to cry to her over the phone more times than I can count and comfort my messy and weary heart.

On the days where I don't see my purpose in being in school, when heartbreak overwhelms me, when the desire to be somewhere far far away is too present, I will look upward and be reminded that what God has planned is so much bigger than myself. If I for one second think that my plans are better than His, how foolish I would be. He is writing the most beautiful story for me. So in knowing that, I walk forward in obedience while making sure I recognize all the good that is around me. Darling, no matter how awful or terrible days or weeks may be, there is still good to be found. I promise you that. If you can't seem to find anything that is good, God is always good. And that will never change.  He's going to be faithful to me. Time and time again, He has proven that to be true and that's not going to stop now. So while I sit patiently before my Lord, I will keep loving and living right where I am. That's all that's required of us. To love God and his people with all we've got. You better believe me when I say it'll be worth it. SO worth it. So friends, let's bundle up, cling to good and love from the center of who we are.

"Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder." - Romans 12:9-12 

"Maybe courage is not at all about the absence of fear but about obedience even when we are afraid. Courage is trusting when we don’t know what is next, leaning into the hard and knowing that it will be hard, but more, God will be near. We live in a world where innocent people suffer and good friends die and stories don’t have the endings we prayed for, and the pain and the hurt, it is everywhere. But the Joy and the Hope that we find in our Savior? It is everywhere, too. I do not have all the answers; in fact, I don’t have many at all. But this is what I know: God is who He says He is. And in the hurt and the pain and the suffering, God is near, and He is good, even when the ending isn’t." -Katie Davis


Nothing I Hold On To by Will Reagan and United Pursuit singing straight into the depths of my heart. Check it out.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCiOL7PIi0o&feature=player_embedded

I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven

I give it all to You God
trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me

There's nothing I hold on to
There's nothing I hold on to
There's nothing I hold on to
There's nothing I hold on to

I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open

Here, Jesus Have My Crumbs

I have always respected and even looked up to people who have chosen to fast from Social Media. 

But, I for one was never going to do it. 

I mean I am in charge of various things. People need me on Social Media. Plus I receive encouragement on Social Media. Therefore I shouldn't/couldn't ever fast from Social Media. 

Well this week I stopped making excuses and finally did it. 

I fasted from Social Media for a week. Quite honestly, It was tough. But it was such a blessing. 

Think about it. Social Media rules our world. 

I'm willing to admit I was addicted to it. 

My name is Mallory Lamm and I am a recovering Social Media Addict. 

I constantly, in some shape or form had on Social Media up on my computer or on my phone. I was always in the know and never missed a thing. 

It's unhealthy. I would even check Social Media at a red light. A RED LIGHT. 

I learned the harsh truth this week: You and others will survive if you sign off of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, or pinterest for a day, week, month or even a year. 

Trust me, It'll be okay. Just a warning it may cause you or others to make a phone call or have a face to face conversation. Shocking, I know. 

Not only is this unhealthy but it seriously damaged my relationship with Jesus. 

I gave Him the crumbs. The bare minimum. 

Offering up the King of Kings, The Lord God Almighty crumbs is embarrassing and disappointing when he deserves the best. He deserves far more than even a feast. 

Jesus and I had some real good talks this week. I needed to make a big decision this week and I desperately needed guidance from Jesus. Though I am not 100% sure where Jesus is leading me I have clearer understanding then I would have from wasting time on Social Media. 

Know this: You will never regret spending time with Jesus. You are guaranteed to be blessed when you enter into communion with Him. 

Isaiah 58:6-11

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
    and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
    and break every yoke?
⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
    and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
    and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness^[a] will go before you,
    and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
⁹ Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
    you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
    with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
    and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
    and your night will become like the noonday.
¹¹ The Lord will guide you always;
    he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
    and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
    like a spring whose waters never fail.

Things will change from here on out regarding how much time I invest in Social Media. I'm going to need to discipline myself. God deserves our very best, Far more then 5 minutes before bed or a quick prayer in the morning. Good rule of thumb:  However much time you spend on Social Media, double that and spend it with your Heavenly Father. 

I'm planning on fasting at least a few times a week now. 

So here's my suggestion to you: sign off of your Social Media accounts and spend some much needed time with Jesus. You won't regret it. I promise. 




If you want to talk to me more about this don't hesitate to contact me! 

Keep Walking.

The season of life that I am in is one that is very dry and trying.

Many burdens have been piling on top of me keeping my face to the ground hiding me from my glorious Savior. 

The burden of Junior Senior and not having a date. (not really a big deal but satan made it into one) 

The burden and fear of the Unknown.

The burden of not having a church home that fills my soul. 

The burden of feeling like a failure. 

The burden of being good enough for my parents. 

These things of been pressing in on me...becoming too much for my ever so fragile heart to bear. 

I have let these things cripple me.

I have been desperate for healing. 

 This I know: 

I am beautiful because my Lord is truly beautiful. 

Guys do NOT define me. My identity is found in Christ alone. 

One day my soul will have an eternal home where I can drink freely from the stream of life.

I am NOT a failure in the eyes of my Father. Even though the world keeps telling me that I am. 

If Abba God says that I am successful and an over comer then I am. 

..Despite what the world says. 

To Jesus, I'm good enough. 

HE loves me for who I am. 

HE loves me in all of my imperfections and mess ups. 

HE knows me better than I know myself.

HE understands me in all of my complexity. 

The Living One sees me. 

I just got back from Ecuador and the healing spirit was ever so present. 

On the plane, God let me see one of his best paintings. 

Yes, a sunset :) 

To make things better, in the book I was reading it was as if He was speaking directly to me. 

Here are a few things that spoke to me: 

(From the book, The Resolution for Women)

'The life you're renovating has far too much God- given potential for you to plant its roots in something so menial. Dig deep and lean in to the truth-the truth of who you are and what He's created you to offer the world.'

'We were each created by God to do our part. And if we fail to do it because we dont think its valuable enough, great loss will be suffered. Someone, somewhere, needs you- in all of your uniqueness- to step up to the plate of your calling...Rather than seeking to impress and out perfrom others and rather than feeling ashamed by what you don't have and can't do, relish the opportunity to stand as a living, walking, eating, breathing example of what God's grace can do with a women He has set apart, weakness and all, to be a sacred vessel in His service. You are a purposeful place setting. A masterpiece worth celebrating.' 

'Even if you may not be inherently pleased with the person He's made you to be, even if you maybe not abundantly happy with the circumstances you're currently living, you can be sure that God has planted you here with design and intention. He has selected the "soil" where you're presently growing... It's all been divinely designed yo surround you with the conditions that allow your unique gifts and abilities to reach maximum potential. To grow. To yield. To produce.'

My spirit is on the mend. 

Slowly, my spirit is being renewed. 

I'm coming out of the desert.

I'm ready to rise up out of this valley. 

What I keep telling myself: 

Keep walking through this desolate and dry place. Gushing rivers and streams are ahead where you can drink deep and rest. 

You are strong and you are okay. 

Head up, the best is yet to come. 

Trust Him. He Knows you. He has special plans for you.

Getting To Know Jesus

I have come to the realization that I do not know Jesus nearly as well as I should. 

Don't get me wrong--I know who Jesus is. In fact, I would even go and say that I have a strong relationship with God and the Holy Spirit.

But here's the problem--I have neglected Jesus Christ. 

If I fail to recognize Jesus and know him intimately, then I have missed the whole point. 

Jesus is why I have salvation. 

HE is the one who went to the cross and bore the pain of my sin. 

Too often do I cheapen what He has done for me. 

I am starting out on a journey to get to know Jesus better.

To find out the real truth about Him. 

Not what the world or someone else tells me who He is.

 I want to find out for myself. 

To find out who God in flesh is like and the way he lived. 

My desire is to see you rightly, Jesus. 

Lately, Abba has been testing my patience. 

HE is beckoning me to come and sit at his feet but...

that takes discipline and requires me to lay down everything. 

He is telling me to surrender to wanting things to happen in my own time. 

HE is the author of time. 

So, I'll learn to trust him. 

HE knows my heart intimately and He knows exactly what I need. 

I will not be put to shame for waiting on you, Lord. 

"The moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." 

Romans 8:26-28

Wherever

Okay God 'wherever'...wherever you want me to go. Kyle Idleman says in his book, Not a Fan, "Wherever? What about in your own home? There is the tendency to carry a cross and follow Jesus, but before we walk in the door of our own home, we leave the cross on the front porch. 


Instead of submitting, you stand up for your rights. Instead of serving you sit around. 


Instead of being patient, you are demanding. Instead of being encouraging, you are constantly critical.


Instead of being a spiritual leader, you are passive and apathetic in your own home. So how about there?" 


Wow. Called out. I am completely guilty. 


He goes on to say "If you are following Jesus wherever, he will take you toward a sinner that others dont want to be seen with. You will find yourself among the sick that others try to avoid. If you follow Jesus, expect to find yourself being criticized by some of the religious people in your life. If you follow Jesus you may find that your family thinks you're crazy...his did. You may find yourself being unfairly accused and unjustly treated by those in political office. Ultimately if you follow Jesus wherever, you dont just end up covered in his dust, you will end up covered in His blood."

"It is not within our power to put the divine teachings of God directly into the heart of another. We can only lay them on the surface of the heart so that when the heart breaks they are the first to fall in."