Nothing I Hold On To

If we're being completely honest, this isn't exactly how I would have my life to be. 

I would be exploring another country. 

Friendships would still be alive and thriving. 

Relationships would have worked out. 

Heartache wouldn't be present. 

I would be on the front lines of raw ministry. 

But here's the thing, it's not about me. It never was and never will be. It is all about Jesus. Bottom line. Every time I wish things were different, I lose sight of eternity. And without Him, this would just be one sad story of a girl wallowing in self-pity. Because of Jesus I am able to deem my life good and beautiful. 

This semester I have known heartbreak. Heartbreak of the past and present. There are things I don't understand and probably never will. I'm learning to be okay with that. I'm learning to loosen my grip and place it in the hands of my creator. There's nothing I hold on to. It's all HIS. And whatever HE decides to do with my life, it's going to be far better than anything I could imagine.

Don't get me wrong, the Lord has been so good to me in midst of my trails. He has sent me the sweetest of friends. Friends who say, chin up girl, it's all about God's plan not ours. And his timing? Well it couldn't be more perfect. Friends who reaffirm my purpose of being at Union. How could I forget my darling sister who has allowed me to cry to her over the phone more times than I can count and comfort my messy and weary heart.

On the days where I don't see my purpose in being in school, when heartbreak overwhelms me, when the desire to be somewhere far far away is too present, I will look upward and be reminded that what God has planned is so much bigger than myself. If I for one second think that my plans are better than His, how foolish I would be. He is writing the most beautiful story for me. So in knowing that, I walk forward in obedience while making sure I recognize all the good that is around me. Darling, no matter how awful or terrible days or weeks may be, there is still good to be found. I promise you that. If you can't seem to find anything that is good, God is always good. And that will never change.  He's going to be faithful to me. Time and time again, He has proven that to be true and that's not going to stop now. So while I sit patiently before my Lord, I will keep loving and living right where I am. That's all that's required of us. To love God and his people with all we've got. You better believe me when I say it'll be worth it. SO worth it. So friends, let's bundle up, cling to good and love from the center of who we are.

"Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder." - Romans 12:9-12 

"Maybe courage is not at all about the absence of fear but about obedience even when we are afraid. Courage is trusting when we don’t know what is next, leaning into the hard and knowing that it will be hard, but more, God will be near. We live in a world where innocent people suffer and good friends die and stories don’t have the endings we prayed for, and the pain and the hurt, it is everywhere. But the Joy and the Hope that we find in our Savior? It is everywhere, too. I do not have all the answers; in fact, I don’t have many at all. But this is what I know: God is who He says He is. And in the hurt and the pain and the suffering, God is near, and He is good, even when the ending isn’t." -Katie Davis


Nothing I Hold On To by Will Reagan and United Pursuit singing straight into the depths of my heart. Check it out.
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCiOL7PIi0o&feature=player_embedded

I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the Maker of heaven

I give it all to You God
trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me

There's nothing I hold on to
There's nothing I hold on to
There's nothing I hold on to
There's nothing I hold on to

I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open