Present

Coming out of last semester I thought my heart had seen all the heartbreak it would ever see.

I was wrong.

Heartbreak, after heartbreak. It keeps coming.

I haven't known a week while I've been in school where something absolutely heart wrenching has not happened wether it be on my campus or back at home. Not only have I experienced this but I have watched my friends walk through the hardest and trying places.

I'll be honest. A lot of it has left me speechless.

My faith has been shaken to it's core.

What if everything I have believed about God isn't true?

What if He isn't as good as I have always thought?

Is God causing these tragedies and heart break?

Why? God, Why?

I don't write this blog somehow magically having discovered the answers. The only answer I know is Jesus.

The reminder and hope of heaven has been pressed heavily into my mind this year. While there is an abundance of comfort in that and I long for that day just as much as Jesus does, I hit a wall where I needed to be reminded of exactly who Jesus is. Jesus being my everything and making good on his promises he showed me what I needed to hear.

The story of Jesus weeping over the death of Lazarus became so real to me.

Through every heartbreak, I know that Jesus was fully present and engaged. His gaze is so fixed upon us.

I don't say that because it makes me feel better or its my way of comforting myself. I say it because it is scriptural.

In John 11, Jesus knew that Lazarus was about to be raised from the dead and even though he saw the glory that was coming, he bent low and wept. In that moment he was fully human and we are able to relate with him like never before. He was present and fully in the moment. My heart can't get over that.

God is not offended or disgusted with our hurt, confused and broken hearts. He welcomes them gladly, even though he knows the good that is to come, He is right there with us. He is there in the screaming, the sobbing, the questioning, the restless nights, and in the moments when you want to give up.  He, oh HE is near so very near to the brokenhearted.

God's character does not change in midst of tragedy. He does not waver and change like the world too easily does. He is steadfast and sure. He is our faithful strength and anchor in midst of any storm. He was present in the suffering of his son and He is going to be nothing less for us in our trials.

Knowing all of these things, I will not back down or give in. I will press forward in all that the Lord would have for me. I leave it all in His hands trusting that He is making something beautiful out of me. God is still on his throne with no threat. He reigns and nothing will ever change that. So keep pressing in, friends, God is far better than anything we could ever imagine.